Season's Greetings

• I put the Christmas lights up myself. Which is why I'm now in the Emergency Department. #innerglow #bowelsofholly

Dear Santa,
For Christmas, I want a list of the names and addresses of the naughty girls. I'm going to be proactively keeping a watchful eye on them. #sothatiswhyyouarejolly

• Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, I got a restraining order.

• Psst... Santa, the best present you could gift to those on your list of nice guys is a guide on how to get out of the friend zone.

• The worst thing about the Xmas season ending is how I won't have any decent excuses for hastily switching between program windows whenever someone else wanders into the room.

"Fuck off Santa"
- Cookie Monster

• Last Christmas, I gave you my tonsils, wisdom teeth, and an appendix, but the very next day you asked for my receipt (and health insurance details).

Dear Santa,
I own The Sims, World of Warcraft, Minecraft, and Civilization, so deciding what I want for Xmas tomorrow is easy.
I really want to get a life.

♪ ♫ Jingle Bells ♬ ♭
Waiting in the queues
cause it's a dead guy's birthday
Million kids lied to
It's a pagan holiday (ha ha ha)
Pay to sit on a fattie's lap
Everything's overpriced
Unwanted gifts unwrapped
Generosity commercialised!
♪ ♫ ♬ ♭
Jingle bells, Shopping smells,
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to buy
anything near Christmas day. yay.

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg" is the first parody I ever learnt, so here's another that is more relatable: 
♪ ♫ ♬ ♭
Drinking at the bar
See a cute girl smile my way
A convo begins to start
Flirting all the way (ha ha ha)

She gives my cheek a peck,
I ask for her number forthright
She says "K give me a sec"
"You can have all the secs" I replied

OH! Single girls, single girls,
Single all the way
Oh what fun it is to cry,
With a glass of 'pagne in the face. hey! come back... please? (sob)

Have a Merry Winter Solstice!

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